Words from a mother's heart...

I am supposed to be packing and finalizing plans.  In two days I (was) supposed to be on a plane headed for India to help encourage and serve girls, women and children.  But I’m not.  “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (NASB)  The Lord asked me to say “yes” to go to India but did not ask me to actually go. 

The passed 5 weeks have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions.  Five weeks ago, to the day, I knew in my heart something was seriously wrong with Ella.  We were at Katy Mills purchasing last minute jackets for NYC when I told Clif I needed to call and make an appointment with Ella’s pediatrician before we left.  I just wanted the doctor to say everything was okay and we could still go to New York that Wednesday.  Instead, on Tuesday December 11th at 5:30pm she called and said we needed to go straight to Texas Children’s Hospital.  My heart sank.  And the roller coaster of poking and prodding, research and tests began.

We were very candid during our 20 days at the hospital and tried to keep everyone as up to date as possible.  The prayers, encouragement and support from our family and friends was more than we could have ever asked for.  During the first several days of us being there I cannot even begin to count the number of people that said they were praying for Ella.  And that their kids were praying for her too.  We received prayer cards from our church, along with many other churches across the state.  Ella felt those prayers and we felt those prayers everyday. 

Even though sometimes it may have seemed like the prayers were not being answered, they were.  Just not in the way we were asking for them to be answered.  There was one night I found myself singing a song in my head (not sure where it came from) but it was Garth Brooks’ song “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”  The moment I especially remember that being true is when I asked for immediate prayer that there would not be any bleeding in Ella’s lungs…. Clif and I were weeping and praying during the ct scan that God would have mercy on her body and her lungs would be healthy!  The sorrow that came over us the moment we found out the opposite was like no other feeling I had ever felt in my life.  However, God knew what He was doing.  The prayers of healing were going to be in effect if we would just trust in His ways.  "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8 (NASB)  The reason we didn’t want there to be bleeding in her lungs was so that she wouldn’t have to receive plasmaferesis.  (Many of our friends and family do not know just how rigorous and harsh plasmaferesis was on Ella’s body)  They would continue with just steroid treatments if only one organ was involved.  But, because there were two organs involved plasmaferesis was a must.  And yes, it definitely was a must in order for the anca to be removed from her blood.  We learned two weeks ago that it worked!

The diagnosis is still very confusing and difficult to explain.  The treatment is still ongoing and we're just taking it week by week.  I don't know where to begin when I try to answer the questions we all have.  There is still a long road ahead.  P-ANCA Vasculitis is a very rare autoimmune disorder with many more questions than answers.  She’s not even in “remission” yet but we already think about her experiencing a relapse.  And we have no idea how long she will be able to function on the 40% of kidney she is currently functioning on.  We do not know what the path will be for her.  But we do know the Lord will wrap her in His arms the whole way.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

As for me… I am a truly blessed.  I am blessed the Lord is teaching me how to serve and glorify His kingdom through this experience.  I am blessed God is guiding me along this journey.  I am blessed to have an amazing Man of Christ leading our household.  And I am blessed to have the best support system through family and friends.  I will continue to say “Yes Lord, Yes Lord” when He asks me to follow Him.  I will continue to daily lift my eyes up.  I will continue to put Him first.  And because of all this I will continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ, our savior.